Justifying Dowry!!

The topic itself is infamy...and I believe that my most intimate female acquaintances will not hesitate to set me ablaze the moment they catch glimpse of this topic. But pardon me, I could not help to put certain counter arguments regarding this issue. It in no way implies any personal viewpoint, and any such conclusions drawn can be diplomatically termed “unfortunate”.

Enough has been said about this age old practice in dark view. Also, dowry is considered one of the factors of gender inequality and hence at root of some serious social evils like female infanticide. However, one can argue certain merits (!!) too of this practice, constraining the view to a particular section of society. In this section, boys strive hard to establish their career and girls wait for their prince to come and let them embark on their luxurious horse..

You must have caught the essence of issue I am going to elaborate in this blog. This is a to-the-core practical observation. Lets take an instance from everyday life-Try to recollect from memory a wedding ceremony u have attended where both bride and groom have comparable professional status. You would surely fumble after a few cases as the general situation is averse- groom is professionally and hence financially much stronger than bride.

Brides are generally unemployed, trained throughout to be a housewife. And in most cases where they are employed, the nature of job itself is temporary, like being a teacher in primary school. Their lifestyle reflects that they are waiting for the right proposal of marriage, and serving the job as part-time. So when a well settled, and hence I can say much able groom lands on your lap, why hesitate to pay the price?

The best parameter to judge ‘dowrability’ of a couple is simple- imagine interchanging the profession of bride and groom. If you still think the said marriage is feasible, then you cant justify giving off expensive gifts. But if it is other way round (profession exchange making couple inappropriate), then you have to swallow the bitter truth- there is enough reason to shed a hefty dowry.

This ‘distorted’ view originated when I saw a lot of families, where girls are treated as equals and given same opportunities to prosper and establish. However, their performance remains consistently behind that of their brothers. Irony is that, after marriage, they manage to obtain a high standard of living; while there brothers are left striving for a stable, decent job.

Another case study in similar stride would be of batches of undergrad course in state universities and colleges, where sex ratio is good. However girls of the batch, irrespective of their intellectual quotient, end up far better than their male batch-mates in life. The only merit they seem to pursue is marrying a loaded guy. Obviously, their male colleagues can’t compete with them at this front, and have to settle with a living standard their intellect or labour can afford.

This scenario, for sure must not be unheard to you. I would attribute inability of girls (to establish professionally) to their careless approach towards career, more than lack of interest of their guardians. They seem to have this view embedded in them that they have to marry ultimately, and care for the house...so why to bother for a career? So they eventually are confined to household works, or at most, low profile jobs. In the meantime, their prospective groom-to-be are expected to strive hard to make a decent career; so that they can afford a TV with cable connection, where their future wife would enjoy the saas-bahu serials.

Well, here comes the practice of dowry to rescue. It is a fact that there are lesser “problems” encountered in marriage if the bride is professionally stable. This thankfully puts a pressure on young girls to establish a career. Even if she has to leave the job for household chores, she would ethically be sacrificing; thus commanding respect from her husband. Also, she could be financially less dependent on husband, making the couple equal and ideal; rather than that symbolizing a ‘horse pulling a wooden cart’.

This constrained view however holds only in upper middle class families, where girls are loved and cared for equally; and the practice of dowry persists. All the ills of dowry are magnified in lower middle class, where inefficient grooms rely heavily on dowry money, and capability of bride’s family falls short of his demands. However in upper middle class families, the money is sufficient, if not enormous, and the so called dowry evils have little stage to prosper. In this class, the message conveyed to girls through dowry is loud and clear: Grab a respectable profession or else be ready to drill a hole in your fathers’ purse and self respect....choice is yours!!

Disclaimer: Views expressed above unethically shows the other aspect of a gloomy social evil. The arguments raised applies strictly to a very small, but growing section of society, as already pointed in article itself. Such viewpoints are sure to rise in an increasingly ‘equal opportunity’ society, and here is a first!! Still, certain glaring facts regarding role of a woman in management of a house and skills required thereby are ignored shamelessly, unacknowledged. Arguments and instances of real life used to prove a handicapped view are provocative. I apologize in this regard, and would request the reader to take the article in right spirit.